The check-up chart given below has been found
to be helpful in assessing oneself for co-dependency traits. The list is not all-inclusive, but it does serve as a rough guideline. Rate yourself against each of the issues given below on a 5 to 7 point scale. You could do this two or three times per year.
1. It is not okay to talk about problems
2. Feelings should not be expressed openly
3. Communication is indirect using messengers
4. Unrealistic expectations
5. Don't be selfish (guilt)
6. Do as I say, not as I do
7. Its not okay to play
8. Don't rock the boat
Reviewing rules like this can be especially helpful when you are in the middle of a crisis. It will also help you stay on track to maintain your resolve to change. So, go ahead and rate yourself on a 5-7 point scale against each of the rules to find out how you are doing.
Growth-Enhancing Rules
1. I try to share my problems and feedback about myself from others.
2. I try to express any persistent feelings with the appropriate person.
3. I speak for myself directly to whoever is appropriate for the message.
4. I am learning to let go of wanting perfection and being "right" all the time.
5. Doing things just for me is healthy and I enjoy caring for myself.
6. I try to follow through with action rather than just words.
7. I let myself have fun.
8. I am learning to look at change as healthy, as fun, as a challenge.
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